Your main ideas are not off topic at all. You’ve organised your ideas and paragraphs very well. But some of your supporting points might less focused. For example, in your first body paragraph you are absolutely right to write about children becoming self absorbed which could continue into their adult life. This is relevant because the essay question is about a society of individuals. But your point about parents not being able to control them is not on topic – this is not about parental control, it’s about selfishness. Even with minor points lacking a bit of focus, it is still possible to hit band 7 in Task Response.
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Throughout his reign, King Tullus had a scornful attitude towards religion. His temperament was warlike, and he disregarded religious rites and piety. After conquering the Albans with the duel between the Horatii and Curiatii , Tullus destroyed Alba Longa and deported its inhabitants to Rome. As Livy tells the story, omens ( prodigia ) in the form of a rain of stones occurred on the Alban Mount because the deported Albans had disregarded their ancestral rites linked to the sanctuary of Jupiter. In addition to the omens, a voice was heard requesting that the Albans perform the rites. A plague followed and at last the king himself fell ill. As a consequence, the warlike character of Tullus broke down; he resorted to religion and petty, superstitious practices. At last, he found a book by Numa recording a secret rite on how to evoke Iuppiter Elicius . The king attempted to perform it, but since he executed the rite improperly the god threw a lightning bolt which burned down the king's house and killed Tullus. 
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